So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
