I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
