I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
false alarm, still single
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
