What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
