Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
