got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
