You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
And then he peed in my hair
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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