sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
