OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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