Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
