thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
