in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
