I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
