Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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