You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
