things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
