so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
