She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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