I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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