i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
