I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
