don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
