I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize