His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the day after is always just damage control
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
