Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
