At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
