you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
