And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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