when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
