My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
