The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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