I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
