I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
