He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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