She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
