i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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