the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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