I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i have two assholes
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
