He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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