me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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