Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
