I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
