so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
