if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She told me I should be a condom model.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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