i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
