the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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