I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
