I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize