So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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