dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
