Jerry, you need to find god
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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