i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
