I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
