im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
