PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize