the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
