bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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