it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize