He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
