You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
