There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
