Who wears a wallet chain?!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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