he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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