You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
