She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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