Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
