I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
