at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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