just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
