I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
