I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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